Monday, December 2, 2013

BALANCE

Hi, my name is Jessica, and I am riding on Balance. Last Christmas, I spent a few days with my spiritual mom (On Time) and her sister (Purpose). I had noticed a difference in my spiritual mom for a few weeks. She was living her life differently. We were all talking, and they shared the camel way of life with me. I said, "Yes" that night to the Holy Spirit to join the caravan. I remember thinking it will be several weeks before God would give me my name, but in the middle of the night I woke up and heard "balance." I said, "Balance. Lord, what does this mean?" He said, "Your camel's name is Balance." I laughed because Jessica in herself is very unbalanced. I am either one extreme or the other. I have been that way my whole life. 

My journey with the camel had begun. I wish I could say it has been a wonderful year, and I have lived the camel way of life. This year, I moved to Alabama to help take care of my mom who is sick, and I did not want to be there. I wanted to be home in Arkansas. I feel like most of this year has been spent hanging upside down on Balance. I went through a period of time where I wanted to shoot my camel because it was a constant reminder to me that there was a better way of life--a life of surrender, a life of yielding and a life filled with many travelling companions. Surrender sounds so easy, but in reality it is a daily process of saying, "Lord, Your way, not mine own." I still ride sideways at times, but the important thing is that I am still on my camel on the way to my bridegroom.
"The Balance of Life"

I thank God for all my traveling companions. I draw off them so much, and God has shown me things through people whom I have never even talked to. I am in a place where I normally do not have access to the internet, but I have each camel's name and am able to look over them. God will show me something through a name for that day. That has summed up my year on Balance. I look forward to 2014 with Balance and all of my traveling companions. 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

ACHIEVEMENT

"But I haven't done anything!"  I was pulling my husband, Paul, into a conversation about the merit of my life, again.  I valued staying at home with our children.  I treasured my role as the wife of a man in ministry.  I also knew how much I could do outside of the home to remain spiritually, emotionally, and physically balanced.  It wasn't much.  Every time we had the "my life is a failure" conversation my sweet, earnest husband would lovingly state his case.  But since I was the one who put myself on trial I got to be the judge and jury, too.  I was convinced that my education, giftings, and calling had been squelched.  By the time my children left home I would be too old, too tired, and too rusty to put any of it to use.  A life sentence, to be sure.  

With each additional blessing of a child (we have five) I mellowed.  I resolved to serve wherever I could, however I could, and leave the rest in God's hands.  It took years of digging for me to unearth contentment, but get this.  I am now riding on acheivement.  I know acheivements are a source of pride just like full bellies and belongings.  Those aren't the kind of acheivements I am riding on.  I am riding on the fact that whatever God had for me to do in the past was completed.  Whatever God has for me to do in the future will be accomplished as well.  I am not on trial.  No, I am a free woman and free women run into the arms of God to then be released...released to acheive His plans His way.  Now that's doing something!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

FOLLOW

Feast of St. Martin I
April 13, 2012

It was the first week of November at one of our little group meetings when Julies first shared her journey of studying wells in the Bible, and her thoughts about how riding on a camel helps us to have a bigger, broader perspective on our paths of life. Reflecting on this and the question she asked me, "What view I would like to behold while seated on my camel," I did my visual "thing." I made up a poster of views that the three of us in our group would probably like to see from our camels. Of course I had to include camels in the poster. So I did an image search for camels. I put this all together on a little poster with Julie's question, "So what's the view from your camel?" in the center. Then at the bottom I felt whimsical and added, "What is your camel's name?". I thought that was silly, so I deleted it. But I was compelled to hit the undo button to cancel my deletion. And there it was. A few days later I brought copies of the poster to the two other women at our next group meeting. 

Fast forward, I now was hearing about women finding the names of their camels. Of course in this little, blessed band of sisters, I came to realize that I was standing between Grace and Trust (Not a bad place to be standing--from many perspectives, I might add!), but I had NO idea what my camel's name was. Time went on, and I mean months; I still had no idea. That felt a little odd. Maybe I just wasn't on this caravan--sigh. 

Well, Lent came with all of its wonderful invitations of drawing closer to our Lord, invitations to remove the wearisome layers that weigh us down. I felt challenged to focus on listening to the Lord. As the weeks progressed I saw that oftentimes I am so busy with my own ideas and agenda that I am not being attentive like I should be. I was struck through a reading with a simple truth. I am a servant, meaning that I am to be right beside the Master. I had always thought of the idea of Christ's servant as those he sent out to do something. I had never contemplated that many servants are right there to do his small, ordinary biddings. (Guess I was always thinking of the grandiose excursions the apostles were sent on.) Here was the idea that a servant might be asked simply to be close, quiet and attentive, so that all He has to do is whisper or even nod in her direction, and she would know that He wants her to pick up the rag He is glancing at, or pass Him the cup of water. He does not want a servant that He has to keep raising His voice to get her attention in order to direct her to what He wants done! That scenario would be disruptive to His own work. I rested in this new revelation, trying to be quieter within myself making it possible for me to better hear His simple requests. 

Then at a choir practice, when a discussion was developed about our Lenten journeys, I mentioned I was trying to work on listening. An older friend said, "You know, listening is the essential ingredient for obedience." It really is very simple. As Mary instructed the servants at the Wedding in Cana, "Do whatever he tells you to do," I am to be quiet, patient, attentive and simply obedient. I don't have to ask why or second-guess the purpose of the request. I am the servant; I am just to do. 

More Lenten reflections came. In prayer, I asked the Lord to help me truly be His obedient servant who comes to know His ways and desires so that He only has to glace at what He wants done, and I will know. I saw that to grow to be that servant, I must be following Him very closely, staying right at His side, not wandering off with my own thoughts and agendas! In that moment--four months after writing the question on the camel poster-- I knew that my camel's name is Follow. Funny thing, the next day was the first time anyone asked me what my camel's name was. I guess I am a little slower than most. 

As I earnestly try to endeavor to learn to be the quiet little servant, I am quickly coming to the realization that our Master usually doesn't go to the pleasant places. After all, He came to heal the wounded. Oh, but what a privilege it is to be anywhere, as long as we are in the Master's presence. 

While journeying on Follow, I am seeing that sometimes we even stop at wells, so that the Master can transform others like the Samaritan woman. As the servants, we are graced to see Him loving the broken with truth, purity and mercy. Who knows where the next stop will be with the caravan. It really isn't my concern. I just have a simple job: follow, listen and happily do. 

In a sermon once, Blessed John Henry Newman said, "He does not show you whither He is leading you; you might be frightened did you see the whole prospect at once...follow His plan; look not on anxiously" because the One we follow "is supremely blessed, because He is supremely holy." -Parachial and Plain Sermons, Ignatius Press 1997

From on servant to others--blessings,

Sharon


Monday, November 25, 2013

REFUGE

Amanda

I started going to a Bible study the beginning of my freshman year at Ohio University in Athens. This was led by a woman named Julie, and she started out with the chapter Genesis 24. My whole first semester we talked about wells, like the one in Genesis. We talked about how Rebekah watered all of Abraham's servants' camels and how she went back to Abraham's land to marry his son, Issac. Then the next semester, we continued to refer back to this chapter and talked more about how faithful Rebekah was. We talked about how she just got up and left without knowing what would happen. the good thing about it was that she didn't have to go alone. 

That's how it is for us. We are riding to our bridegroom, or Jesus, and we don't have to do it alone. As Julie (Grace) was teaching us this, she and her friends came upon something interesting. We as women are riding along next to each other, encouraging one another and riding on this journey where we don't know what is going to happen next. Julie's friend made a poster based off this concept that we aren't riding alone. The poster asked, "What is the view from your camel?", and then it asked, "What is your camel's name?". Then Julie told us all the amazing stories about how people prayed and found what their camel name is. This was supposed to be something that you have experienced the most or have always tried to find, but never realized you were riding on it. 

As I was going home one weekend, I was telling my boyfriend about this story. I had been praying about what my name was. I am a person who over-thinks all the time. I had been trying to think in my head what it was, but nothing really popped out at me. I decided to be patient, and when I was telling my boyfriend about this story, we went past a sign. I have always asked for a physical sign from God. It has been something I have kind of been waiting for, but I always doubted it would happen. I was not sure if this was really my camel name, so I put it aside in my head. Later, I then looked up what the word meant and realized it was what I needed for so long. I needed a safe place. I needed Refuge. I have off-and-on struggled with spurts of sobbing and what I would call depression. I just cry and cry, and it gets to the point sometimes where I just want anything to fix it. I knew Jesus could fix it, but I did not really know how he would fix it, or when. But finally God showed me a physical sign of what I needed. I really needed refuge. 

The next day I was doubting that this was it. I was thinking maybe it was just thrown up in my head and that it wasn't really my camel name. I went to church that morning, and a man up front was reading a verse of Psalms. I told God, "Okay. If this word is in this piece of scripture, You have truly told me my camel name." Literally a few seconds after I prayed that, the man said, "refuge." I could not even believe it. God showed me a sign, and He put it in a verse to me. God has never directly talked to me like that before. Then to top it off, it was in one of the songs we sang. I think God was waiting for the moment to show me my first sign, and with a word that now means so much in my life. I do not have to struggle anymore with crying fits and sadness, because I am riding on Refuge to Jesus who will wipe my tears away.

Psalm 36:5-7

Friday, November 22, 2013

We Reflect God's Image


Camel Ride in Broome, Kimberley, Australia

GRACE

Chelsea

My name is Grace. I have known it to be Truth, Audacious, Fearless, and I have known it also to accompany its various counterparts: Ashamed, Fearful, Broken, and worst of all, Lies. Thankfully, God's grace is abundant and real. My story begins with an engagement to be married to my one true love and one true best friend. Followed by this engagement was the instruction of the Lord to be like Abraham and to follow Him into a foreign land that we would not know until we arrived there. We proceeded with plans, and I proceeded on to a journey through God's Word that would lead me to my kindred, Rebekah. Rebekah was a fearless woman who rode toward her own groom audaciously and with truth in her heart. And so are we.

I was told that sometimes being a Christian makes people feel they have to stick to their guns and stand firm and fearless in what they believe. Little did I know that while I stood truthfully and boldly by my God, I did so with little grace in my words and actions. God has shown me that to have truth and fearlessness and audacity, I must provide those through His grace. Through this journey, I have had to ask the Lord to search my heart and take me places that perhaps didn't appeal to me to have to go, but it has shown me to ride on Grace and let the Lord guide my words and my actions through it. Now I no longer have to carry shame, walk broken, listen to lies or be fearful. Today and every day, God's Grace is made perfect in my weakness.