REFUGE

Amanda

I started going to a Bible study the beginning of my freshman year at Ohio University in Athens. This was led by a woman named Julie, and she started out with the chapter Genesis 24. My whole first semester we talked about wells, like the one in Genesis. We talked about how Rebekah watered all of Abraham's servants' camels and how she went back to Abraham's land to marry his son, Issac. Then the next semester, we continued to refer back to this chapter and talked more about how faithful Rebekah was. We talked about how she just got up and left without knowing what would happen. the good thing about it was that she didn't have to go alone. 

That's how it is for us. We are riding to our bridegroom, or Jesus, and we don't have to do it alone. As Julie (Grace) was teaching us this, she and her friends came upon something interesting. We as women are riding along next to each other, encouraging one another and riding on this journey where we don't know what is going to happen next. Julie's friend made a poster based off this concept that we aren't riding alone. The poster asked, "What is the view from your camel?", and then it asked, "What is your camel's name?". Then Julie told us all the amazing stories about how people prayed and found what their camel name is. This was supposed to be something that you have experienced the most or have always tried to find, but never realized you were riding on it. 

As I was going home one weekend, I was telling my boyfriend about this story. I had been praying about what my name was. I am a person who over-thinks all the time. I had been trying to think in my head what it was, but nothing really popped out at me. I decided to be patient, and when I was telling my boyfriend about this story, we went past a sign. I have always asked for a physical sign from God. It has been something I have kind of been waiting for, but I always doubted it would happen. I was not sure if this was really my camel name, so I put it aside in my head. Later, I then looked up what the word meant and realized it was what I needed for so long. I needed a safe place. I needed Refuge. I have off-and-on struggled with spurts of sobbing and what I would call depression. I just cry and cry, and it gets to the point sometimes where I just want anything to fix it. I knew Jesus could fix it, but I did not really know how he would fix it, or when. But finally God showed me a physical sign of what I needed. I really needed refuge. 

The next day I was doubting that this was it. I was thinking maybe it was just thrown up in my head and that it wasn't really my camel name. I went to church that morning, and a man up front was reading a verse of Psalms. I told God, "Okay. If this word is in this piece of scripture, You have truly told me my camel name." Literally a few seconds after I prayed that, the man said, "refuge." I could not even believe it. God showed me a sign, and He put it in a verse to me. God has never directly talked to me like that before. Then to top it off, it was in one of the songs we sang. I think God was waiting for the moment to show me my first sign, and with a word that now means so much in my life. I do not have to struggle anymore with crying fits and sadness, because I am riding on Refuge to Jesus who will wipe my tears away.

Psalm 36:5-7